|
[01 Feb 2011|10:50am] |
no one will probably read this, that's alright. I can't believe I created this thing when I was fifteen-sixteen! Now, I'm twenty. I was looking through and skimming over my earlier entries, man was I a baby. A baby that did a ton of drugs and drank too much. Holy cow.
Now- let's see. I got back with my first boyfriend, my first everything. It's a wonder he treats me so right considering how I treated him when we first began. I was a cunt.
I'm living on my own! In my own little shaft apartment, just how I always wanted it. With my cat and my cigarettes and instant espresso. I feel like a less glamourous audrey in Breakfast at Tiffany's. A poor one, with no cute neighbor boy for me to climb up the fire escape to. Just a lot of thugs and teenagers drinking in the parking lot. But the place has shag carpeting! and old roll up windows, I love it. It's hard supporting myself like this, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. So many of my friends are older than me, and still depending on their parents for everything, like little trust fund babies spending all their money on beer and shopping sprees. I like being OLD. Everything I do with my own money is an accomplishment. This apartment, school, my car. In the spring todd and I are planning a trip to Peru! Things keep looking up. I started birth control again and my boobs are getting giganto. I guess that's good, too.
I feel like if their is anyone reading this, they should put a face to this internet diary.
Here I am with my brother!
I hope I can start updating this thing again, I want to stumble upon it when I'm thirty. And then I can think, "Man I was such a cunt!" and be happy I've changed some more.
|
|
|
[10 Jun 2007|09:41am] |
My mind is beginning to break itself down in parts; I am reckless and childish. I kiss and cuddle and do shotguns with cigarette smoke. I don't cut my hair and never wear my seatbelt or take vitamins. I drink every other day and lose count on the cigarettes I smoke. I am happy in my ignorance and sorrow. The other is too sad to change the soul sharing her body. She is lower, she is obsessive and compulsive and she wants so bad for more sobriety. She reads in the morning and gulps down coffee, wishing she weren't so hungover. I want the two halves to morph into one clear sighted teenager. Sometimes I wonder if their are any of those left?
Last night I drank too much. I wanted someones company. I couldn't see straight, I felt like i was on some sort of trip, and the boy sitting next to me on the couch smoking his blunt had a childs smile and I laughed at it but then felt that same sort of sadness, that someone with a baby mouth could roll a blunt expertly and drink a forty expertly and then give you that innocent grin just as expertly. I had to get out. The room was too smoky my eyes were rolling and my head was heavy and my body was limp and clammy.
And tonight I will do the same, but I hope the girl who dances on rocks and sings on rooftops will be around, so the toddler with the sad eyes and unknowing body can keep cover underneath her
|
|
| New Start |
[20 Apr 2006|08:54am] |
I deleted all my old entries.
Friends only.
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
wretchedstar's journal